EightSquaredCon announces the inaugural Bad Death Awards!

“The great blade entered the writhing torso, separating rib from rib like the Argo forging its way between a fleshy, fatty Scylla and a gory Charybdis. The creature screeched, great gouts of oleaginous ichor spurting from the gaping maw of the wound, limbs thrashing and flailing like the uncontrolled tentacles of a electrocuted giant squid. Jets of steaming blood, dark and thick as ancient treacle, re-decorated the walls, like some eldritch modern artist let loose with a massive spray can, and washed across the floor in glutinous, foul waves.”

From the Epic of Gilgamesh onwards, heroes and villains have been meeting their deaths. And from those early times, writers have been finding new and variably effective ways to describe those deaths. From Lleu Llaw Gyffes (one foot in the bath, one foot on a goat) to Little Nell and beyond, some are moving, some are tragic, some mundane – and some, regrettably, risible.

Yet while bad sex scenes have long had their own award, these dodgy deaths go unacclaimed. EIghtSquared believes it’s time to redress this balance. Bring along your favourite badly-written death scene or write your own and read them aloud in this light-hearted programme item and vie for the grand prize of a round of applause and some chocolate.

Kari Sperring

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